Making friends or Netflixing? The struggle is real.

When my wife and I first moved to the area, we really struggled. We were in the middle of 130 acres of camp grounds – alone. At the time, we were the only ones to live on the campgrounds in the winter (now one other person does with us). Anyway, I have watched many horror movies and I know that they all take place in the middle of unoccupied land in one house that has girls in it. I know how it works. Ugh.

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But that’s not the point of this blog. The point of this blog is to move into
Step 3: Don’t get hurt when the world doesn’t care about you.

We really struggled when we first moved here because we didn’t know how to make friends. Growing up, it’s so easy – you’re forced into situations where you can meet people and build friendships: play dates, tumbling classes, art classes, school in general. Even in college it is fairly easy to meet some friends because you’re all together all the time. You live together, eat together, work together, and go to class together. Usually, you do homework until ungodly hours of the night together too.

So, your whole life you’re made to think that making friends is as easy as showing up. The sad truth is: it’s not. In the real world, it takes effort to make friends. And no, Netflix won’t get you there, sadly.

It’s also important to remember that just because you meet someone in the real world, doesn’t mean you are friends. As Kelly Williams Brown puts it, “you sometimes find patches of immediately friendly people, but that won’t be the rule. It is now up to you to find and surround yourself with people for whom you feel affection and respect.”

My wife and I still struggle to make friends. We are kind of loners. We like to spend our nights at home: crafting, Netflixing, cleaning, cooking, but not usually going out. We don’t drink. We don’t party. It can be difficult, but we are getting there.

Right now we have two main friends that we are close to. One just moved from the other side of the state, but was connected to camp to begin with. The other is living at camp with us now and is a really good friend of ours. It takes effort though. And it doesn’t stop taking effort just because you think you’ve reached theย friendship point. You have to keep working on it. And I suppose that that realization is a huge part of adulting in itself.

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6 Replies to “Making friends or Netflixing? The struggle is real.”

  1. I really enjoyed your other post on Adulting, and this one, as well. It is hard making friends as an adult. Once I had kids, it seemed as if all my single friends disappeared…or maybe I did. I don’t really mind being a loner, but I want my kids to have friends, so I had to force myself to get out there.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Shann! I totally understand. One time, a friend of mine was talking to me and said “It’s really hard to find single friends around here…or at least ones that aren’t married” – which struck me because, well, I am married. You know? I think people don’t know how to be friends with you once you’re married or have kids because it’s different – you change. They aren’t sure how to react. It’s no one’s fault really, but it does, sometimes, mean that you either need to work harder at those relationships or go and find new ones (which, again, Netflixing…). I’m glad that you did go out there so that your kids have friends! Thank you for sharing your perspective on this – I really appreciate it ๐Ÿ™‚

      I’ll be putting up new Adulting posts every Sunday now so just keep an eye out for them! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for reading!!

  2. I can completely relate! I have never been good at making friends, didn’t really make any until Sophomore year of high school, and most of them didn’t stick until college. Now as a adult I am also a big loner, and my boyfriend and I are very similar to you and your wife, so although we have not moved to a new place, making new freinds, even close to your hometown can be very hard. Most days Netflix is the more appealing option, and the one we choose most often. As time passes I’m starting to think that being loners ins’t such a bad thing. I much prefer it to forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do, be around people that I don’t click with just to say I have a social life, and forcing relationships. Unfortunately, the majority of the times I force myself to get out there, I find myself thinking over and over how I wish I would have stayed home, so while I will keep trying because friendships are important, I wonder if there isn’t something just as valuable about spending alone time with netflix and your significant other.

    1. Thank you for the comment, Karina! I completely agree with this thought and I am glad you brought it up: both actually. You’re right, it can be just as hard to make friends in your hometown, especially if you had trouble making friends in school. Actually, a lot of times the long-time friends you make can be hard to hang out with – it’s rare that people get a reallyyy great friend to hang out with all the time. So I agree, hometown can be just as hard.

      And you’re right, there’s something to be said for just staying at home with your significant other. I mostly just meant that you shouldn’t choose it ALL the time, but I’m as bad at that as anyone. Especially now that they put Design on a Dime up! ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s great to just lay on the couch and cuddle and it really is valuable time together. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for including this perspective.

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